Becoming a mom was an amazing feeling, but also an overwhelming one at the same time. I always babysat as a kid for my aunts and neighbors. I also lived with my aunt and uncle for three summers and served as a live in sitter for them as well as worked at their local shop. I have had LOTS of experience with babies and kids and that helped me prepare for when I had my own. That said, having your own is definitely different. Not much, but the whole 24/7 thing is. I had a friend call me the other day because she is having a hard time with her 18 mo old and wanted my advice on establishing a rule. She also wanted to know about introducing the learning cards we have worked with. This made me think....
I have rules. The kids follow them for the most part. I think rules are great. From every professional I talk to and to moms of well balanced well behaved children they all say the same thing-establish guidelines and rules. Kids need balance and need to know that they are not alpha. SO....that is what I do. My one sister thinks I have too many (I think.) I take that with a grain of salt. She has a lot experience with kids and is awesome with them, but she does not have any of her own. There is a difference between those two now that I have been there. I know other moms out there who definitely do not have as many rules and may also think I am crazy.
Here are a few that they have-
1. all meals are eaten at the kitchen table (or picnic table out back for lunch if it's nice)
---as children my parents made us sit at the table and we ate together every night even through high school. Our napkins were always on our lap and our left hand rested on our lap as well. No elbows on the table or my mother would poke up with her fork. You think I am kidding. I think this is VERY important and is something we do as a family and it's structured. Snacks can be eaten downstairs, but no food/drinks upstairs.
2. Kids are on a schedule. Riley naps (in her crib) around 1-1:30 and we are always home for that. Bedtime is 7:15 for Riley and 7:30 for Devin. We also make it home for that too if we are out. Kids thrive on routines.
3. they sleep alone in their rooms. They never slept with us in bed because I did not want to create a bad habit. I breast fed both of them so I got my ass up out of bed a million time and went to their rooms. Since I did not let them use pacifiers to sleep with at night, they slept well from about 6 weeks on because they self soothed. This to me is way worth having to walk into the other room because they have their own bed and I have my own bed.
4. If the kids do not eat their dinner, they will not receive snacks or get to watch TV. Riley usually eats all her dinner and then some, but sometimes Devin does not want to eat. If he is a pain when I am making dinner, and asking 100 times if it is ready and telling me he is starving-he will sit at the table and eat at least half of what I give him (as long as it is something I know he likes.) If we just sit to eat and he was playing or something, I don't make him eat but I leave his plate on the table. I will reheat it if he wants to eat later or he can have it cold. That plate stays on the table until the morning when I clean up. He is not allowed to eat any snacks or watch TV until he eats his dinner. TV is privilege, not something they should have all day long.
5. Kids are not allowed to drink sugar juice. No apple juice, Capri suns, juice made from powder, juicy juice etc. They are allowed to drink V8 Fusion or Kagome which is a full serving of fruit/veggies or Fruitables juice boxes (when out) which is the same thing as V8 but on a smaller scale. Devin can have lemonade as a treat if we are out to eat but diluted big time. Kids are only allowed one cup of juice and that is in the morning. Rest of the day is their milk or plain water. I will do fresh squeezed OJ on Sunday ams or fresh fruit smoothies without dairy (just fruit and ice) and they both love them. Sugar juices serve zero nutritional value so why give them to the kids?
6. They are not allowed to have candy. Devin is still working on his Halloween candy he collected from the 15 houses we went to. He gets a piece of candy when he poops every day. He still uses this potty training treat even though he has been potty trained for a year and a half. I guess its b.c he does not get candy at any other time. He got a gold coin at the park the other day during story time and one from school and that is fine....but on a normal basis they do not. I do not ever buy them candy at a store even though Miss Riley always wants it at check out.
7. Devin cannot watch cartoons when Riley is napping until he practices writing. He has to practice writing every day. I bought some great work books for him to do as well with letters and numbers that he enjoys doing. I do not want him to watch TV a lot and this gives him an opportunity to learn. Last thing this world needs is another lazy kid glued to the TV. I will not let that happen. If he is done writing, and the weather is nice-he and I will go outside and play for a while alone without Riley. He loves football, soccer and baseball when she is not around. Kick ball has been fun too except the dogs try to steal our ball.
8. If they are hungry before meals and cannot wait, they are allowed to have fruit or yogurt. No other snacks. If they may eat a snack before a meal and hinder their appetite for a meal, I at least want it to be something of value.
Now some of these things are not "rules" as much as they are guidelines. A lot has to do with their diet which I am adamant about. I do not want kids that are amped up on sugar or used to processed food. I know kids that will be given sugar juice and a pack of those mini muffins for break fast. Or a 3 year old that is give fruit loops and sugar juice. What part of that 'meal' is nutritious? I do not judge those parents because that is their choice that they fill their kids up with empty calories and such. I know that is not what is good for our family so that is not what our family will get. Once kids get a taste for shitty food, they will want that food always. Devin wants McDonald's when we pass it weekly, but has not had it since we were in NJ in January.
Parents can do what they want with their kids. That is the best part about this....they are their kids just as these are mine so I can parent how I want and they can the way they want. My only beef is, don't complain about your kids crappy sleeping if you allow them to fall asleep to a TV. Don't complain about your kid's eating if you allow them to walk around and eat snacks all over the house instead of enforcing a meal plan at the dinner table. Don't complain that your kids are clingy if you do not take them to play dates and parks to socialize with other kids on a regular basis. I know somethings I do are rigid, and I know I get judged for it but in my mind I am getting judged from other moms who do it completely different than I do and in that matter I do not really care.
Am I perfect? NO, definitely not. All I know is, I follow what professionals feel is great for physical and emotional development as well as advice from seasoned moms who have great kids. Kids need to play, they need to explore and try things out. I never wanted a clingy whiny kid so I made sure my kids were well socialized and so far so good. I do not think I know it all and I still call certain people to ask for their opinions and I have an open ear when discussing topics. Devin and Riley are not perfect either. Devin never went through the terrible twos, but he is going through some three year old sassy thing. Devin has excellent manners and at times does get whiny. Riley is a pretty sweet kid, but she definitely challenges me too at times. As a whole they are great kids, but they both have strong personalities and they are not afraid to let them show. Kids are wired to try and manipulate you. It is only natural for them as a new baby to try and push the limits. It is up to the parent to set the routine and the guidelines that child is to follow. Everything a baby/child does is a learned response. Psychology 101-they do something, you respond and voila they are working you if you let them or learning that you are the boss not them. I, on the other hand am a no bullshit mom. I do not let my kids rule me and I do not deal with bullshit from them. They sleep 11-12 hours non stop at night, eat three meals and 1-2 snacks a day and are healthy independent kids. They have fun all day, we play endlessly and in the end they know I am the boss.
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