I have had so many people say to me that they envy me being a stay at home mom since that is SO much easier than working. Those people obviously have NEVER done it. No, I do not eat ice cream and watch soaps all day long. OK, so I could see how being an emergency room doctor, lawyer, biochemical lab scientist and so on may be harder.....but for the most part everyday jobs are NOT harder. They may be more stressful, more thought process oriented etc, but not harder. Being a parent who stays home with the kids is very trying on both patience and time. Kids take up all your attention, wear you thin and if they are like Devin-they keep going all day until bed time. I do get a break from Riley since she naps everyday, but Devin has not taken regular naps since he was 2.5. My "work" days are from 6:45 (today) to 8 pm at night (13+ hrs), 7 days a week, 365 days a year. What other profession has that type of schedule? Yes you may argue that a working parent works 9-5 then comes home and has to be a parent until that child goes to bed....but you get a break from the bs at the house. You get alone time in the car to and from work, you get to eat lunch when its still hot. You can pee in peace without a child staring at you. Those breaks are awesome.
When Frank and I discussed having kids we decided that I would stay at home with them and we planned our finances appropriately so I would be able to do so. We bought our house in NJ and then out here in NV solely on his salary. We could have gone bigger but then I would have had to work and send the kids to daycare. I personally would rather live in a smaller house and live a lil more modestly and be able to stay at home with them then living in a big huge house and send my kids to daycare so I could pay for those extra bills. Do not get me wrong, we live comfortably and are able to do nice things-it would just be a little different if I worked and contributed financially.
Having said that, staying at home is hard work. From when they wake up at 6:45/7 am it is non stop until they go to bed at night. I thankfully have two great kids but again that is work in itself. My two do not get away with bad behavior and they also are praised for good behavior. I stay on top on top of them for the most part but I definitely encourage playtime without Mommy. This is when I will do the dishes, laundry, clean the house etc. We have a killer playroom with a bazillion toys that they do a great job of playing with and in turn making it look like a tornado hit when they are done. Devin and Riley both help to clean up but I swear they can destroy that room faster than I can change over a load of laundry. As I type this Riley is napping and Devin is sitting at the table practicing writing. He has to sit there until he writes his name properly as well as 'mom', 'dad' and ball. He has mastered his name and is working hard on the other words. I want to introduce one to two words a week. This will help with spelling as well as motor skills with writing individual letters. Which again is hard work for both of us. I sit with him and help him write and show him the steps to writing letters and he then tries it himself.
Other moms do sit their kids in front of the TV and get stuff done. I am not one of those mothers. The only time we have the TV on is in the morning when they wake up and need a few minutes to "wake up" and in the afternoon when I am making dinner and need them to stay out of my way. Devin likes to watch a show or two at night before bedtime to relax and I am OK with that, and he is playing with toys as he watches TV. I really feel bad for the kids who's parents have the TV on all day and the kid then depends on the TV for entertainment. It is the parents job to play and interact with them. Kids are naturally so smart and thrive on learning and they can accomplish so much if they are just challenged. I wish all parents would see that. Dev and Riley definitely get to color, do crafts, role play and so on with me. I think that is what makes this job so hard. I am constantly going all day. Add house chores onto that and voila-you have a Mommy that goes to bed at 9:30 since she cannot keep her eyes open past then.
Now that it is finally starting to get nicer out, we are able to go to the park and play as well as out back. I am definitely tired by 3-4 but that is usually when Devin wants to go for a walk to the park, walk to the desert, play baseball, play in the street with the kids and so on. How could I say no to playing with him? I do send him and Riley out back alone to play, but when he asks me to play with him or go out front I simply cannot say no when the reason is because I am tired or do not feel like it. It is my job to go for walks, take them to the part etc. Then I come in, make dinner and Frank comes home. Kids then take baths, play and go to bed. Starting all over again the next day. I just hope the next day does not bring any major hiccups and it is smooth sailing.
I think people would have more respect for stay at home parents if they did it for a while themselves. It really is a lot of work and I am thankful it is my job. I am also thankful Frank works hard and is smart about money so I can be home. I do my part with comparison shopping for groceries and clipping coupons and cooking almost every night instead of wasting money eating out. I do welcome take out so I can have a night off in the kitchen though :). I used to think it was cake especially when I only had one child. I actually was babysitting up until I was 6 mo pregnant with Riley because I was bored. Now that there are two toddlers, it is far from boring! I grocery shop when Devin is in school and man alive it is SO much easier with only one child. Parents out there with one kid-I hope you realize how easy you have it running errands. Parents with a toddler and an infant-watch out....as soon as that baby is bigger and no longer in the carrier-you are screwed. Not really (but kinda). haha.
There are days I loose my cool and get mad. I am sure that happens in everyones days now and then. I also wonder what things would be like if I worked away from home. Would I be happier? Would I feel more accomplished? Would the kids like daycare? I know that staying home is not for everyone. Do I feel like a little bit of me is lost since I am 100% focused on the kids with no personal profession? Absolutely. But my day will come when they go to school. I know that I am doing my best with them and they are succeeding in life because of it. That is what I have to remember when I am about to pull my hair out when I see Riley naked again or Devin pinning her down on the floor. :)
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